{"id":22550,"date":"2018-12-22T01:46:34","date_gmt":"2018-12-22T06:46:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.newspapers-online.com\/auroran\/?p=22550"},"modified":"2018-12-22T01:46:34","modified_gmt":"2018-12-22T06:46:34","slug":"brocks-banter-every-ugly-christmas-sweater-has-a-silver-lining","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newspapers-online.com\/auroran\/brocks-banter-every-ugly-christmas-sweater-has-a-silver-lining\/","title":{"rendered":"BROCK’S BANTER: Every Ugly Christmas Sweater has a silver lining"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Brock Weir<\/strong><\/p>\n

At the risk of being vulgar for a moment, particularly in our last paper of the holiday season, I\u2019m afraid I just can\u2019t help myself.
\nHere goes: vomit and crap.
\nThey are each vivid enough on their own, but together? Well, it\u2019s damn near unprintable. In fact, several synonyms for each were weighted before the publication of this week\u2019s column, and that was, believe it or not, the most palatable combination.
\nI bring this up in the context of a particularly ugly piece of clothing currently hanging in my closet, just a wash or two away from being a complete pile of rags.
\nFour years ago, when I first set eyes upon this item of clothing, I felt my eyes bulge just a little bit beyond their sockets. If you\u2019ve ever had the pleasure of receiving a gift, you know the risk you run of opening something that\u2019s just plain awful and the inevitable dance ensues \u2013 finding that perfect balance in your reaction. You want to seem genuine in your enthusiasm for whatever monstrosity is before you, but not too enthusiastic as to arouse suspicion.
\nIn this case, I\u2019m not quite sure of my success.
\nIt was Christmas 2014.
\nI was handed a box bearing the name of a rather nice department store still in business in this pesky Canadian market. My hopes lifted (as did my suspicion, but more on that later). Giving it a light shake, as Christmas tradition dictates, all doubt was removed: it was some piece of clothing.
\nThis, in itself, is a perilous move. All too often when you buy clothes for someone at this time of year, there is a distinct chance that your purchase might align better with your own tastes rather than the tastes of the intended recipient.
\nWhat might look like the epitome of cool \u2013 say, the nifty green drape dress that Mammy expertly sewed up for Scarlett O\u2019Hara in \u201cGone with the Wind\u201d \u2013 might, in the eyes of others, be a complete monstrosity \u2013 say, Bob Mackie\u2019s interpretation of the same \u201cGone with the Wind\u201d getup on \u201cThe Carol Burnett Show\u201d, complete with curtain rod.
\nIn this case, it was very much the latter.
\nAs I opened the box and unfolded the tissue paper to reveal what lay beneath, the eye-pop happened.
\nBefore me lay what someone at a healthy distance could be forgiven for mistaking for a pile of the aforementioned vomit and crap, but those who had the misfortune of being just a little bit closer could see quite clearly, perhaps thanks to the glimmering zipper pull, that it was vividly coloured shirt of some variety.
\n\u201cI just saw the colour and immediately thought of you!\u201d said my now-former stepmother with a smile, looking down on me as I sat on the ottoman, my mouth slightly agape at the box in my lap.
\n\u201cAh ha!\u201d I thought, my inner monologue shuffling through a series of expletives before deciding to leave them on the table. \u201cSymbolism!\u201d
\nHad you been on the outside looking in, you might have thought this gift was a sweet, if misplaced, gesture. This, however, was a familiar routine, and I could only think, \u201cWell done!\u201d as the colours of the sweater were a direct reflection of our opinions of one another.
\nOut of respect for the assembled family, and out of respect for myself because I sure wasn\u2019t going to let on I was in any way ruffled, I gave a tour-de-force performance, cooing over the shirt as if it was a newborn (something I also don\u2019t do as a rule), and then set the shirt aside with a raised eyebrow directed at the gift-giver.
\nIt seems, however, the joke was squarely on me. Or was the joke on her? Four years on, I\u2019m still not sure, but back to the yarn\u2026
\nLater that December night, the house suddenly became chilly \u2013 and it had nothing to do with the routine froideur within. Having only packed a couple of shirts to tide me over during this brief stay, I looked towards that department store box, and the shirt bearing the label of a store far removed from that printed on the cardboard.
\nI swallowed my pride, closed my eyes for a moment, avoiding the monstrous colours, and let my fingers flit over the fabric.
\nI was seduced.
\nFew items of clothing in my wardrobe have ever been as cozy. It wasn\u2019t quite a sweater, it wasn\u2019t quite a sweat shirt, but it was just right for that freezing winter night \u2013 and it has been just right through many seasons since.
\nIn fact, garment\u2019s reign in my wardrobe has now outlasted the gift-giver\u2019s brief reign as my stepmother, but its rein is soon to come to a close as well, not yet entirely threadbare but certainly hanging by a thread.
\nThe hunt for a replacement that was just as comfortable \u2013 heinous-looking or otherwise \u2013 has proved fruitless and, in the end, that there is always a silver lining, whether it is in a regular, every-day terrible gift, or the lining in a textile disaster.
\nAs I look back over Christmases past, I can\u2019t help but think of the joy that small, inexpensive items bring.
\nAdmittedly, this gift didn\u2019t bring much joy upon first sight, but it kept me warm and cozy, and I will mourn its loss when my elbow eventually bursts through its increasingly thin arms \u2013 and that should be by the New Year.
\nThis gift is not alone.
\nThere was the gift of an old, beat-up glass bottle, the backstory to which set me on a path of building my own family tree; a well-worn discarded library book held together with clear packing tape that helped stoke my interest in film and television, a small piece of art, barely bigger than a playing card that is a lasting memory of the artistic talents of a person close to me who was robbed of her talents all too soon by forces beyond her control.
\nAnd this disgusting-looking shirt \u2013 a reminder not of a sour relationship, but rather how privileged I have been in life to have the gall to stick my nose up, albeit temporarily, at a gift such as this, now realizing full well how many people would have been grateful to have just a moment of its warmth and comfort.
\nI hope you and yours get everything you want this holiday season.
\nSee you in 2019!<\/p>\n\"Facebook\"<\/a>\"twitter\"<\/a>\"mail\"<\/a>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Brock Weir At the risk of being vulgar for a moment, particularly in our last paper of the holiday season, I\u2019m afraid I just can\u2019t help myself. Here goes: vomit and crap. They are each vivid enough on their own, but together? Well, it\u2019s damn near unprintable. In fact, several synonyms for each were […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[29,28],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-22550","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-columns","category-opinion"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3D2k4-5RI","publishpress_future_action":{"enabled":false,"date":"2026-05-10 07:28:58","action":"change-status","newStatus":"draft","terms":[],"taxonomy":"category","extraData":[]},"publishpress_future_workflow_manual_trigger":{"enabledWorkflows":[]},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newspapers-online.com\/auroran\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22550","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newspapers-online.com\/auroran\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newspapers-online.com\/auroran\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newspapers-online.com\/auroran\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newspapers-online.com\/auroran\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=22550"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newspapers-online.com\/auroran\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22550\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newspapers-online.com\/auroran\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=22550"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newspapers-online.com\/auroran\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=22550"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newspapers-online.com\/auroran\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=22550"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}